augury doggerel

Sunday, February 08, 2004


Speaking of dogs missing legs, there was a two-legged dog somewhere, maybe in a freak museum, maybe Canada. It's been years. Someone built a wheeled harness to replace the dog's missing back legs. Or missing front legs. What I remember is that it looked like one of those loud ankle-menacing dogs. And now it had rattling wheels. Maybe it was born that way, two-legged and barking. Or maybe someone sat in a car, turned the ignition, and drove.

But now even a dog with no legs would control its own electric cart. With the slightest swell of a brain wave, it would surge forward and bang into ankles. A dog with Napoleon syndrome and no bark might need only to imagine a yap and a loudspeaker bigger than the dog would YAP to crack windows. A wheeled doggy might pull a catapult cart behind and launch half-digested Poochie-Woochie Yum-Yum biscuits into the next street.

At least, that's what I told a small cat who is teething and needs to keep his mind off things. He likes to have his gums massaged, too.


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